Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
His nipple licking is glorious
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