Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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