I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
