I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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