Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
