when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
