your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm like, not good at living.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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