I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
