yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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