Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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