Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
