Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i believe in u and ur pee
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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