Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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