I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
