No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
