oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
