the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
