Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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