we're chasing vodka with high fives
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
