D3 body, D1 cock
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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