Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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