I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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