yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
