haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This baby is an asshole
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
