1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
