just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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