While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Operation Purity has been aborted
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
