WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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