from now on my penis is your penis
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
