I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
