I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
