I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
