Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
