Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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