im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
