He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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