My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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