found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
