We won't sleep together?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
