if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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