I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
