In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
