sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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