Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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