i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
