Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We have started to decorate penises.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
