I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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