Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
