You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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