It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
