They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
