i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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