Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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