This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
