I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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