I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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