I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
